42 | How To Stop Giving A F*CK

Hi, I’m Yath! Thank you for being here. You are receiving this because you signed up to my weekly newsletter on self-growth and mindful productivity.

Hey friends,

This is something I needed a gentle reminder of this week. So, I’m writing this as a reflective piece and hopefully, it will resonate with some of you as well.

One of the biggest reasons why many of us never take action, take action slowly, or take action and eventually quit is because we are paranoid of what others will think of us, or how others react to our actions.

Certainly, this was the case for me for several years. I was simply dishing out too many f*cks and this was taking over my life. But, then I was exposed to three big concepts that changed my life. Until recently, this had kept me going very well but then I began to see myself go backwards. I started worrying again. I started giving f*cks.

So let’s remind ourselves of three things.

The Spotlight Effect

The bottom line is we’re all a tiny bit narcissistic. We as humans care more about ourselves, how we’re perceived, and where we stand in the world. But, what’s imperative to understand is that when we’re all thinking in such a way then, in reality, we’re actually thinking far less about other people.

This is a proven psychology theory known as The Spotlight Effect which basically explains that we all behave as though a spotlight has been placed on us. That others are scrutinising and watching every tiny aspect of our lives/actions. But, in reality, this is not the case and very few people pay super detailed attention to our actions.

So, reason 1 to not give a f*ck = few are paying such close attention.

Your Task vs. Others

This is something I learnt from the book The Courage To Be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. In this book, the author explains that when it comes to anything in life there are things that are in our control and other things that are not. In other words, doing something you like in the way you want is your task, another person judging you for it is their task, and therefore not your task.

When we separate our tasks from those of others, it becomes easier to realise things like judgement, criticism, and negative comments towards us are not something we need to worry about. For as long as we mind our tasks, diverting attention and energy into doing what we can control to the best of our abilities, then we don’t need to be concerned about being disliked. That’s another person’s task.

So, reason 2 to not give a f*ck = being judged is not in your control.

Time Passing Away Is Non-negotiable

It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. — Seneca

When we think too hard about what others think, we may be wasting away crucial time that will never return. For example, If we look at the top 5 regrets of the dying, two regrets people commonly have in their last moments are not following their dreams and not saying what they thought. I think these regrets arise because we give too many f*cks about what others think.

So, reason 3 to not give a f*ck = to avoid having regrets in later life.

Take-Home Lessons

So you shouldn’t give a damn about what others think because very few people are paying such detailed attention to your every movement in the first place, being judged is not your task, and finally life is too short to accumulate regrets.

With that I’ll challenge you to do the following: ask yourself these three questions.

  • What project(s) have you put off out of fear of judgement?

  • Why do you think you will be judged for it?

  • What action(s) can you now take to stop giving a f*ck?

If you’re feeling particularly up for it, email me your responses by smashing [REPLY] to this email.

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This Week’s Quote 🎯

“The point is that we will meet people we don’t like, or people who are ignorant or rude, and if we can avoid being dragged down by those people, then we can be of better service to both them and ourselves.” — Happy (Derren Brown)

This Week’s Recommendation 🚀

Book 📚 — The Unfair Advantage by Ash Ali & Hasan Kubba

I’ve had the great privilege of networking with Hasan, one of the authors, and one thing that makes me want to recommend this book, even more, is how true he is to the contents of this book. In this book, they guide us through how we can all find our unfair advantage, the unique thing that can propel us to infinity and beyond. A bit like an Archimedes lever, but so much better.

This Week on YouTube 🎥

Here’s why and how to start investing today — consider it personal finance for beginners if that’s something you’re after:

Also, earlier I rewatched one of my favourite videos on the channel, I think you might like it too:


That’s all for this week — be safe, be happy!

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